What are you, Freak’n kidding me!
It was me or the Plow, one of us was going down.  I could tell by the sleep deprived glaze in the plow driver’s eyes that he was intent on burying me alive in a ten foot wave of snow.  As with all life or death situations time slows down.  It became crystal clear to me the instant before I was to be buried alive that I needed to escape the attack of the behemoth, Killer Snow Plow.

I was pushing my brand new craftsman snow plow up the side walk, proudly clearing the way when I heard the unmistakable rumble of the death dealer, the towns largest, most fearsome snow plow.  I looked up in time to see a wave of snow ten feet high, a veritable tsunami, heading my way.  I jumped back from my snow blower realizing that my miniscule 7.5 HP Techumsa powered snow blower with the sweet joy stick controller for the exit chute was no match for the Killer Snow Plow.   I was pined between the stone wall going up my walk way and the mail box.  I had no where to go but up.  I was forced to abandon my brand new blower and jump over the wall. I was shaken.  The adrenaline still pumped through my veins as the killer plow passed by.  I could clearly see the overpaid, drunkard of a town employee with the sleep deprived gaze laughing hysterically, maniacally. His accomplice, Igor, was in the passenger seat yelling something unintelligible from behind his window and shaking his fist at me. 

As the death dealer rumbled down the road I jumped into the middle of the street swearing like a sailor, shaking my fist back at Igor, but to no avail. 

I called the Street Department to complain but the supervisor could not stop laughing.  I heard him call to someone in the back ground “Looks like Igor got another one, he’s in the lead now!” 

That wasn’t very satisfying so I called the police.  Three hours later, they sent two officers in an SUV that they had confiscated from some drug dealer pimp.  As I described the situation the officer summarized “So let me get this straight, you were blowing your snow out onto the town street and then you threatened and verbally assaulted a town employee as he attempted to make our streets safe for women and children?”

I quietly said never mind and made an on the spot contribution to the Policemen’s Benevolent Society and thanked them for their quick response.

But this is not the end of it.  I plan on writing a blistering letter to the Mayor’s office and ask for quick and immediate action.

More to follow.